Is evil bunny gone yet?!Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Blast From the Past: Douchebag Lawyer Thinks He's Above the Law
Blast from the past. I wrote this entry in June, but didn't post it for some reason. There are a couple posts like that and I'll be releasing them for your pleasure (all 2 of you). Enjoy.
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Ah, Tuberculosis. It's one of those diseases that you think, "Eh. It can't be as bad as AIDS, so why should I care?" As many of you have read in the news, Andrew Speaker was diagnosed with TB before he left for Italy for his wedding with Ms. Breast Implants... I mean new wife. Is it purported that the doctor said he was not contagious and it was safe for him to fly, but did caution him as a means to save his own ass. That's fine and not the issue. The problem and eventual douchebaggery begins when, after Speaker had left for Italy, it was found out that the TB Speaker had was not harmless, but what CNN described as a "rare, extensively drug-resistant form, known as XDR-TB".
In an interview with ABC's "Good Morning America," Andrew Speaker, 31, said his father asked health officials whether Speaker was a risk to anyone, and health officials said he was not. "My dad taped it," he said.
Secondly, he questions the subsequent diagnosis. "What changed?" he bitches. The CDC hunted your ass down in Italy. Something changed. Go with it. Tell your family. Have your new wife take you. Tell the world, but don't be an effing a-hole and get on a plane with hundreds of people.
His actions up until now seem very terrorist-like: Government is looking for you, hide from them, get on a place to Canada, sneak your ass back into the States. Doesn't seem weird at all. It's privileged bastards like this that make me glad I'm poor. I'm kidding. I don't want to be poor. I want to be effing rich. Scrooge McDuck rich.
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Ah, Tuberculosis. It's one of those diseases that you think, "Eh. It can't be as bad as AIDS, so why should I care?" As many of you have read in the news, Andrew Speaker was diagnosed with TB before he left for Italy for his wedding with Ms. Breast Implants... I mean new wife. Is it purported that the doctor said he was not contagious and it was safe for him to fly, but did caution him as a means to save his own ass. That's fine and not the issue. The problem and eventual douchebaggery begins when, after Speaker had left for Italy, it was found out that the TB Speaker had was not harmless, but what CNN described as a "rare, extensively drug-resistant form, known as XDR-TB".
In an interview with ABC's "Good Morning America," Andrew Speaker, 31, said his father asked health officials whether Speaker was a risk to anyone, and health officials said he was not. "My dad taped it," he said.
"I said, 'What changed?" Speaker related. "When I left I was told I wasn't a threat to anyone. When I left I was told I wasn't contagious, what changed? Why are you abandoning me like this and expecting me to turn myself over for an indefinite time. What has changed?' And they did not have an answer for that."Now there are several things wrong with his story. First off, he brought daddy into this. When daddies are involved you know shit is about to hit the fan. "My boy is an amazing human being. I mean look at the breasts on that woman. A man who can pick out breasts that big and hair that blond must the son of God. God would be me." I can understand how he would think the general population would think this tape would exonerate him from any wrongdoing, but he sounds like a whiney, spoiled, Cruel Intention-ed brat. And just because your dad taped a meeting before you left for Italy doesn't let you off the hook.
Secondly, he questions the subsequent diagnosis. "What changed?" he bitches. The CDC hunted your ass down in Italy. Something changed. Go with it. Tell your family. Have your new wife take you. Tell the world, but don't be an effing a-hole and get on a plane with hundreds of people.
His actions up until now seem very terrorist-like: Government is looking for you, hide from them, get on a place to Canada, sneak your ass back into the States. Doesn't seem weird at all. It's privileged bastards like this that make me glad I'm poor. I'm kidding. I don't want to be poor. I want to be effing rich. Scrooge McDuck rich.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Of Course It's Too Good To Be True
From Wonkette:
BREAKING HOLY SHIT EVERYONE CHENEY RESIGNED“I”m done. I turned in a resignation,” Cheney said after delivering an immediate resignation to Democratic House Speaker Pat Bauer and the state party. “There’s just so much going on in my life, my mother has just entered hospice care ….”That’s right, Indiana State Rep. Duane Cheney has resigned.
DEVELOPING...
What kind of cruel, sick, demented joke is this?!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
The Things I'll Do For Free Cookies and Juice
When my kids speak at my funeral (and my kids will speak at my funeral), it'll probably go something like this:
Sebastian: Dad was a man who liked to make people laugh and feel good on the inside. I mean he was gay. Am I right, ladies?
[silence; crickets faintly chirping in the background]
Sebastian: [nervously clears throat] He was also a man who gave and well as received.
Leela: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Sebastian: I remember a story my dad told me about the time he gave back to the community. The date was June 27, 2007. The weather was hot and muggy. You stepped outside and you didn't know whether you were breathing water or air. My father, God bless his soul, got a firm-wide e-mail from the Benefits manager asking for volunteers to give blood.
[passionately] Give blood. [short pause]
My father, the good Samaritan, thought, "You know what? I'm going to do my part." And with his fists on his hip posing like Superman, my father loudly proclaimed, "I will give blood!"
Audience: Tell it, preacher!
[Sebastian takes the microphone from the holder and walks in front of the podium. A gospel choir rises up from the floor softly humming.]
Sebastian: [breathing in the power of a Baptist preacher] So he marched down, down with a purpose to the 4th floor multi-purpose conference room and he filled out that form. That form that asked such questions as "what is your birthday?", and "have you ever felt the warm touch of a man?". A manly man.
Gospel Choir: [singing] Manly man. Manly man.
Sebastian: My father told that form, "No, no, NO! I have never had intimate relations with a man." My father was a good man, but he was also a liar. A liar! For the betterment of mankind!
Gospel Choir: [singing] Liar, liar! Pants on fire!
Sebastian: So they pricked him and prodded him and took his blood pressure!
Gospel Choir: [singing] Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze! Squeeze that fist!
Sebastian: And when that bag was full, the nurse held it above his head and proclaimed, "I name thee Agamemnon!" And my father covered his eyes, for the light was too bright! Those compact fluorescent light can get really bright.
Gospel Choir: [singing] Do not look directly into the sun!
[The gospel choir softens their singing back to a soft hum]
Sebastian: It was all over. The deed had been done. He gave them his blood and now he felt empty. He needed something to fill the void. They led his frail body to a table with juice and cookies. As he ate Christ's body and drank his blood he felt new life growing inside him. He had been saved.
[Sebastian goes quiet and sounds of the audience's tears and sniffles can be heard through the airport]
The man before us in this solid gold coffin was not a man of God. He was God.
[Audience clamors to their feet and clap wildly]
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So the moral of the story is: Don't have breeder children. They're just going to ruin your funeral like they did mine.
Oh, and donate blood.
Sebastian: Dad was a man who liked to make people laugh and feel good on the inside. I mean he was gay. Am I right, ladies?
[silence; crickets faintly chirping in the background]
Sebastian: [nervously clears throat] He was also a man who gave and well as received.
Leela: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Sebastian: I remember a story my dad told me about the time he gave back to the community. The date was June 27, 2007. The weather was hot and muggy. You stepped outside and you didn't know whether you were breathing water or air. My father, God bless his soul, got a firm-wide e-mail from the Benefits manager asking for volunteers to give blood.
[passionately] Give blood. [short pause]
My father, the good Samaritan, thought, "You know what? I'm going to do my part." And with his fists on his hip posing like Superman, my father loudly proclaimed, "I will give blood!"
Audience: Tell it, preacher!
[Sebastian takes the microphone from the holder and walks in front of the podium. A gospel choir rises up from the floor softly humming.]
Sebastian: [breathing in the power of a Baptist preacher] So he marched down, down with a purpose to the 4th floor multi-purpose conference room and he filled out that form. That form that asked such questions as "what is your birthday?", and "have you ever felt the warm touch of a man?". A manly man.
Gospel Choir: [singing] Manly man. Manly man.
Sebastian: My father told that form, "No, no, NO! I have never had intimate relations with a man." My father was a good man, but he was also a liar. A liar! For the betterment of mankind!
Gospel Choir: [singing] Liar, liar! Pants on fire!
Sebastian: So they pricked him and prodded him and took his blood pressure!
Gospel Choir: [singing] Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze! Squeeze that fist!
Sebastian: And when that bag was full, the nurse held it above his head and proclaimed, "I name thee Agamemnon!" And my father covered his eyes, for the light was too bright! Those compact fluorescent light can get really bright.
Gospel Choir: [singing] Do not look directly into the sun!
[The gospel choir softens their singing back to a soft hum]
Sebastian: It was all over. The deed had been done. He gave them his blood and now he felt empty. He needed something to fill the void. They led his frail body to a table with juice and cookies. As he ate Christ's body and drank his blood he felt new life growing inside him. He had been saved.
[Sebastian goes quiet and sounds of the audience's tears and sniffles can be heard through the airport]
The man before us in this solid gold coffin was not a man of God. He was God.
[Audience clamors to their feet and clap wildly]
---------------------------------------
So the moral of the story is: Don't have breeder children. They're just going to ruin your funeral like they did mine.
Oh, and donate blood.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Fictionary: Mexicasian
Mexicasian [mek-si-key-zhuh n]
- adjective
1. of, belonging to, or characteristic of Asia or its inhabitants or Mexico or its inhabitants or both.
2. when one can't be singularly categorized as either Mexican or Asian.
- noun
1. a person of Mexico or Asia descent or both.
[Origin: June 24, 2007; Patrick S. during Adam W.'s post-Gay Pride Luau Party describing a guy he thought was hot, but couldn't tell what ethnicity he was.]
- adjective
1. of, belonging to, or characteristic of Asia or its inhabitants or Mexico or its inhabitants or both.
2. when one can't be singularly categorized as either Mexican or Asian.
- noun
1. a person of Mexico or Asia descent or both.
[Origin: June 24, 2007; Patrick S. during Adam W.'s post-Gay Pride Luau Party describing a guy he thought was hot, but couldn't tell what ethnicity he was.]
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
R.I.P., Mr. Wizard. R.I.P.
If you haven't heard, Don Herbert, A.K.A. Mr. Wizard, passed away yesterday at the age of 89. He had bone cancer, though I'm unsure if his death was caused it.
In the 80's, I watched his show after school on Nickelodeon. Mr. Wizard's World was a show that taught kids about science and math in an engaging and entertaining ways. Mr. Wizard would mostly use household items so viewers could recreate his experiments at home. He would demonstrate tricks and problems that you could play on your stupid friends. He taught me that water doesn't overflow from a full glass when the ice melts. But best of all, Mr. Wizard taught me how to make rock candy. Rock candy is awesome, but homemade rock candy is thrice as awesome.
Reading his obit on CNN, Mr. Wizard had been doing this kind of stuff since the 50's! I felt terribly old when I told my boyfriend that Mr. Wizard had died and he had no idea who I was talking about. I guess David wouldn't know since he was born in 1983, the year Mr. Wizard's World started airing.
So, to you, Mr. Wizard, I thank you for all your knowledge and for making me the nerd I am today.
Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert
1917-2007
In the 80's, I watched his show after school on Nickelodeon. Mr. Wizard's World was a show that taught kids about science and math in an engaging and entertaining ways. Mr. Wizard would mostly use household items so viewers could recreate his experiments at home. He would demonstrate tricks and problems that you could play on your stupid friends. He taught me that water doesn't overflow from a full glass when the ice melts. But best of all, Mr. Wizard taught me how to make rock candy. Rock candy is awesome, but homemade rock candy is thrice as awesome.
Reading his obit on CNN, Mr. Wizard had been doing this kind of stuff since the 50's! I felt terribly old when I told my boyfriend that Mr. Wizard had died and he had no idea who I was talking about. I guess David wouldn't know since he was born in 1983, the year Mr. Wizard's World started airing.
So, to you, Mr. Wizard, I thank you for all your knowledge and for making me the nerd I am today.
Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert
1917-2007
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