Is evil bunny gone yet?!Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Blast From the Past: Douchebag Lawyer Thinks He's Above the Law
Blast from the past. I wrote this entry in June, but didn't post it for some reason. There are a couple posts like that and I'll be releasing them for your pleasure (all 2 of you). Enjoy.
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Ah, Tuberculosis. It's one of those diseases that you think, "Eh. It can't be as bad as AIDS, so why should I care?" As many of you have read in the news, Andrew Speaker was diagnosed with TB before he left for Italy for his wedding with Ms. Breast Implants... I mean new wife. Is it purported that the doctor said he was not contagious and it was safe for him to fly, but did caution him as a means to save his own ass. That's fine and not the issue. The problem and eventual douchebaggery begins when, after Speaker had left for Italy, it was found out that the TB Speaker had was not harmless, but what CNN described as a "rare, extensively drug-resistant form, known as XDR-TB".
In an interview with ABC's "Good Morning America," Andrew Speaker, 31, said his father asked health officials whether Speaker was a risk to anyone, and health officials said he was not. "My dad taped it," he said.
Secondly, he questions the subsequent diagnosis. "What changed?" he bitches. The CDC hunted your ass down in Italy. Something changed. Go with it. Tell your family. Have your new wife take you. Tell the world, but don't be an effing a-hole and get on a plane with hundreds of people.
His actions up until now seem very terrorist-like: Government is looking for you, hide from them, get on a place to Canada, sneak your ass back into the States. Doesn't seem weird at all. It's privileged bastards like this that make me glad I'm poor. I'm kidding. I don't want to be poor. I want to be effing rich. Scrooge McDuck rich.
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Ah, Tuberculosis. It's one of those diseases that you think, "Eh. It can't be as bad as AIDS, so why should I care?" As many of you have read in the news, Andrew Speaker was diagnosed with TB before he left for Italy for his wedding with Ms. Breast Implants... I mean new wife. Is it purported that the doctor said he was not contagious and it was safe for him to fly, but did caution him as a means to save his own ass. That's fine and not the issue. The problem and eventual douchebaggery begins when, after Speaker had left for Italy, it was found out that the TB Speaker had was not harmless, but what CNN described as a "rare, extensively drug-resistant form, known as XDR-TB".
In an interview with ABC's "Good Morning America," Andrew Speaker, 31, said his father asked health officials whether Speaker was a risk to anyone, and health officials said he was not. "My dad taped it," he said.
"I said, 'What changed?" Speaker related. "When I left I was told I wasn't a threat to anyone. When I left I was told I wasn't contagious, what changed? Why are you abandoning me like this and expecting me to turn myself over for an indefinite time. What has changed?' And they did not have an answer for that."Now there are several things wrong with his story. First off, he brought daddy into this. When daddies are involved you know shit is about to hit the fan. "My boy is an amazing human being. I mean look at the breasts on that woman. A man who can pick out breasts that big and hair that blond must the son of God. God would be me." I can understand how he would think the general population would think this tape would exonerate him from any wrongdoing, but he sounds like a whiney, spoiled, Cruel Intention-ed brat. And just because your dad taped a meeting before you left for Italy doesn't let you off the hook.
Secondly, he questions the subsequent diagnosis. "What changed?" he bitches. The CDC hunted your ass down in Italy. Something changed. Go with it. Tell your family. Have your new wife take you. Tell the world, but don't be an effing a-hole and get on a plane with hundreds of people.
His actions up until now seem very terrorist-like: Government is looking for you, hide from them, get on a place to Canada, sneak your ass back into the States. Doesn't seem weird at all. It's privileged bastards like this that make me glad I'm poor. I'm kidding. I don't want to be poor. I want to be effing rich. Scrooge McDuck rich.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Of Course It's Too Good To Be True
From Wonkette:
BREAKING HOLY SHIT EVERYONE CHENEY RESIGNED“I”m done. I turned in a resignation,” Cheney said after delivering an immediate resignation to Democratic House Speaker Pat Bauer and the state party. “There’s just so much going on in my life, my mother has just entered hospice care ….”That’s right, Indiana State Rep. Duane Cheney has resigned.
DEVELOPING...
What kind of cruel, sick, demented joke is this?!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
The Things I'll Do For Free Cookies and Juice
When my kids speak at my funeral (and my kids will speak at my funeral), it'll probably go something like this:
Sebastian: Dad was a man who liked to make people laugh and feel good on the inside. I mean he was gay. Am I right, ladies?
[silence; crickets faintly chirping in the background]
Sebastian: [nervously clears throat] He was also a man who gave and well as received.
Leela: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Sebastian: I remember a story my dad told me about the time he gave back to the community. The date was June 27, 2007. The weather was hot and muggy. You stepped outside and you didn't know whether you were breathing water or air. My father, God bless his soul, got a firm-wide e-mail from the Benefits manager asking for volunteers to give blood.
[passionately] Give blood. [short pause]
My father, the good Samaritan, thought, "You know what? I'm going to do my part." And with his fists on his hip posing like Superman, my father loudly proclaimed, "I will give blood!"
Audience: Tell it, preacher!
[Sebastian takes the microphone from the holder and walks in front of the podium. A gospel choir rises up from the floor softly humming.]
Sebastian: [breathing in the power of a Baptist preacher] So he marched down, down with a purpose to the 4th floor multi-purpose conference room and he filled out that form. That form that asked such questions as "what is your birthday?", and "have you ever felt the warm touch of a man?". A manly man.
Gospel Choir: [singing] Manly man. Manly man.
Sebastian: My father told that form, "No, no, NO! I have never had intimate relations with a man." My father was a good man, but he was also a liar. A liar! For the betterment of mankind!
Gospel Choir: [singing] Liar, liar! Pants on fire!
Sebastian: So they pricked him and prodded him and took his blood pressure!
Gospel Choir: [singing] Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze! Squeeze that fist!
Sebastian: And when that bag was full, the nurse held it above his head and proclaimed, "I name thee Agamemnon!" And my father covered his eyes, for the light was too bright! Those compact fluorescent light can get really bright.
Gospel Choir: [singing] Do not look directly into the sun!
[The gospel choir softens their singing back to a soft hum]
Sebastian: It was all over. The deed had been done. He gave them his blood and now he felt empty. He needed something to fill the void. They led his frail body to a table with juice and cookies. As he ate Christ's body and drank his blood he felt new life growing inside him. He had been saved.
[Sebastian goes quiet and sounds of the audience's tears and sniffles can be heard through the airport]
The man before us in this solid gold coffin was not a man of God. He was God.
[Audience clamors to their feet and clap wildly]
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So the moral of the story is: Don't have breeder children. They're just going to ruin your funeral like they did mine.
Oh, and donate blood.
Sebastian: Dad was a man who liked to make people laugh and feel good on the inside. I mean he was gay. Am I right, ladies?
[silence; crickets faintly chirping in the background]
Sebastian: [nervously clears throat] He was also a man who gave and well as received.
Leela: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Sebastian: I remember a story my dad told me about the time he gave back to the community. The date was June 27, 2007. The weather was hot and muggy. You stepped outside and you didn't know whether you were breathing water or air. My father, God bless his soul, got a firm-wide e-mail from the Benefits manager asking for volunteers to give blood.
[passionately] Give blood. [short pause]
My father, the good Samaritan, thought, "You know what? I'm going to do my part." And with his fists on his hip posing like Superman, my father loudly proclaimed, "I will give blood!"
Audience: Tell it, preacher!
[Sebastian takes the microphone from the holder and walks in front of the podium. A gospel choir rises up from the floor softly humming.]
Sebastian: [breathing in the power of a Baptist preacher] So he marched down, down with a purpose to the 4th floor multi-purpose conference room and he filled out that form. That form that asked such questions as "what is your birthday?", and "have you ever felt the warm touch of a man?". A manly man.
Gospel Choir: [singing] Manly man. Manly man.
Sebastian: My father told that form, "No, no, NO! I have never had intimate relations with a man." My father was a good man, but he was also a liar. A liar! For the betterment of mankind!
Gospel Choir: [singing] Liar, liar! Pants on fire!
Sebastian: So they pricked him and prodded him and took his blood pressure!
Gospel Choir: [singing] Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze! Squeeze that fist!
Sebastian: And when that bag was full, the nurse held it above his head and proclaimed, "I name thee Agamemnon!" And my father covered his eyes, for the light was too bright! Those compact fluorescent light can get really bright.
Gospel Choir: [singing] Do not look directly into the sun!
[The gospel choir softens their singing back to a soft hum]
Sebastian: It was all over. The deed had been done. He gave them his blood and now he felt empty. He needed something to fill the void. They led his frail body to a table with juice and cookies. As he ate Christ's body and drank his blood he felt new life growing inside him. He had been saved.
[Sebastian goes quiet and sounds of the audience's tears and sniffles can be heard through the airport]
The man before us in this solid gold coffin was not a man of God. He was God.
[Audience clamors to their feet and clap wildly]
---------------------------------------
So the moral of the story is: Don't have breeder children. They're just going to ruin your funeral like they did mine.
Oh, and donate blood.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Fictionary: Mexicasian
Mexicasian [mek-si-key-zhuh n]
- adjective
1. of, belonging to, or characteristic of Asia or its inhabitants or Mexico or its inhabitants or both.
2. when one can't be singularly categorized as either Mexican or Asian.
- noun
1. a person of Mexico or Asia descent or both.
[Origin: June 24, 2007; Patrick S. during Adam W.'s post-Gay Pride Luau Party describing a guy he thought was hot, but couldn't tell what ethnicity he was.]
- adjective
1. of, belonging to, or characteristic of Asia or its inhabitants or Mexico or its inhabitants or both.
2. when one can't be singularly categorized as either Mexican or Asian.
- noun
1. a person of Mexico or Asia descent or both.
[Origin: June 24, 2007; Patrick S. during Adam W.'s post-Gay Pride Luau Party describing a guy he thought was hot, but couldn't tell what ethnicity he was.]
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
R.I.P., Mr. Wizard. R.I.P.
If you haven't heard, Don Herbert, A.K.A. Mr. Wizard, passed away yesterday at the age of 89. He had bone cancer, though I'm unsure if his death was caused it.
In the 80's, I watched his show after school on Nickelodeon. Mr. Wizard's World was a show that taught kids about science and math in an engaging and entertaining ways. Mr. Wizard would mostly use household items so viewers could recreate his experiments at home. He would demonstrate tricks and problems that you could play on your stupid friends. He taught me that water doesn't overflow from a full glass when the ice melts. But best of all, Mr. Wizard taught me how to make rock candy. Rock candy is awesome, but homemade rock candy is thrice as awesome.
Reading his obit on CNN, Mr. Wizard had been doing this kind of stuff since the 50's! I felt terribly old when I told my boyfriend that Mr. Wizard had died and he had no idea who I was talking about. I guess David wouldn't know since he was born in 1983, the year Mr. Wizard's World started airing.
So, to you, Mr. Wizard, I thank you for all your knowledge and for making me the nerd I am today.
Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert
1917-2007
In the 80's, I watched his show after school on Nickelodeon. Mr. Wizard's World was a show that taught kids about science and math in an engaging and entertaining ways. Mr. Wizard would mostly use household items so viewers could recreate his experiments at home. He would demonstrate tricks and problems that you could play on your stupid friends. He taught me that water doesn't overflow from a full glass when the ice melts. But best of all, Mr. Wizard taught me how to make rock candy. Rock candy is awesome, but homemade rock candy is thrice as awesome.
Reading his obit on CNN, Mr. Wizard had been doing this kind of stuff since the 50's! I felt terribly old when I told my boyfriend that Mr. Wizard had died and he had no idea who I was talking about. I guess David wouldn't know since he was born in 1983, the year Mr. Wizard's World started airing.
So, to you, Mr. Wizard, I thank you for all your knowledge and for making me the nerd I am today.
Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert
1917-2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
HOLY MOTHER-EFFIN' CRAP!!!
Did she really think this was a good idea? Really?!--------------------
Mummy: I have to take baby outside, but my legs are so tired. Whatever shall I do?
Nanny: [sarcastically] You could drive it around in the Range Rover and hang its head out the window.
Mummy: Hmmmm.
Nanny: [feign excitement] OR you could get on your yuppie Segway and push its stroller that way.
Mummy: Oh, Nanny. What would I do without your brilliant ideas?
Nanny: I don't know. Act like a normal person? Eh, probably not.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
GEICO? I Think I'll Go With Progressive. Thanks.
A while back, a good friend of mine, Dave, told me some surprising and disturbing news. He said that a sitcom was being developed centered around the fat guy from the Dytec commercials. Not only that, he would also play his mother as well (Oh, and his catchphrase would be "Lost another one to Dytec!"). I wouldn't believe it. It was too ridiculous and absurd. Well, we would go out to parties, clubs, bars and bathhouses and Dave would somehow bring up the Dytec guy and his new show to people we'd meet. I thought to myself "why does he keep saying this?" Why would they produce a sitcom or any series for that matter around a commercial character. It finally turned out to be false (for future reference, if Dave says something completely outrageous and silly, it's probably not true. He thinks its funny.) I mean, c'mon. The Dytec guy was a one-line wonder with no substance (figuratively, obviously. Physically he has a lot of substance... because he's fat.)
Well, I'm sure Dave will be thrilled at the following news, but I loathe the person/people who even came up with these characters: ABC picked up for their fall schedule--not mid-season, mind you--a show based around the cavemen from the GEICO commercials. The show aptly titled, Cavemen, will star the 3 well-spoken, neanderthals from the commercial who try to live in a world where they are stereotyped as being unintelligent and uncouth. If this show makes it past its first season, then TV is in a sorrier state than in its current form.
For a taste of what's to come here is a clip from the show, Cavemen.
Well, I'm sure Dave will be thrilled at the following news, but I loathe the person/people who even came up with these characters: ABC picked up for their fall schedule--not mid-season, mind you--a show based around the cavemen from the GEICO commercials. The show aptly titled, Cavemen, will star the 3 well-spoken, neanderthals from the commercial who try to live in a world where they are stereotyped as being unintelligent and uncouth. If this show makes it past its first season, then TV is in a sorrier state than in its current form.
For a taste of what's to come here is a clip from the show, Cavemen.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
What Has Two Thumbs and is a Pompous Jackass: Rudy Guilani
The Republican debate earlier this week shows just how far politicians will go to gain 9/11 sympathy. In the debate Rep. Ron Paul said, "Have you ever read about the reasons they attacked us? They attack us because we've been over there. We've been bombing Iraq for 10 years." When you make a comment like that, expect someone to chime in and shout "9/11." Rudy Guiliani does shine here... at being a fucktard. Over 5 years later he's still trying to ride the coattails of 9/11. He lambasts Rep. Paul for even thinking that the events of September 11 could have been at least partially caused by America's foreign policy initiatives:"That's really an extraordinary statement," said Giuliani. "As someone who lived through the attack of September 11, that we invited the attack because we were attacking Iraq; I don't think I've ever heard that before and I've heard some pretty absurd explanations for September 11."
Thinking logically, why would terrorist want to hurt us if we weren't bothering them in the first place? Sometime we fail to realize that even though terrorists are radical in their methods, it doesn't mean they always do things without reason.
CNN's Roland Martin posted a great commentary including an insightful history lesson regarding American-Iranian relations. He believes a debate is necessary and not a condemnation of Rep. Paul's comments.
Guliani did a fine job with New York City, but I'd be scared if he was sworn in as our next president.
I Remember A Time When My Computer Wasn't Full of Porn
Remember back in college when you and 2 of your nerdlinger friends would crowd around the computer? Your finger was hovering over the "A" key, Dorkmeister #2 was frantically waiting to smash the Space Bar and No Life Louie was being a little to keystroke happy with the Quotation Mark key. Cookie would shout at you that you were dumb and needed to get out more, and also wished you a happy Coming Out Day on October 11 every year. If you recognize any of this, then you played You Don't Know Jack. And you only had 2 friends. And those friends only had each other. GAY!
Well, after a long hiatus, YDKJ is back and it's on the internets. Every Monday, Cookie Masterson hosts a new game consisting of 7 pop culture questions, which include Dis or Dat and the Jack Attack. From Tuesday through Friday, YDKJ delivers a new Dis or Dat loosely taken from current events in politics and entertainment. I'm hoping they come out with a full fledged internet version with all the insulting and jibing... because I don't spend enough time in front of the computer.
Well, after a long hiatus, YDKJ is back and it's on the internets. Every Monday, Cookie Masterson hosts a new game consisting of 7 pop culture questions, which include Dis or Dat and the Jack Attack. From Tuesday through Friday, YDKJ delivers a new Dis or Dat loosely taken from current events in politics and entertainment. I'm hoping they come out with a full fledged internet version with all the insulting and jibing... because I don't spend enough time in front of the computer.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
First Post. Last Post?
Here is my obligatory "first post" paragraph:
ZOMG!!! THIS IS MY FIRST POST IN THIS BLOG I'M SO EXCITED I'M GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THE WORLD AND MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE BRINGS IT'LL BE EXCITING AND AWESOME AND SUPER COOL ALL BECAUSE I'M WRITING THIS LOLOLOLOLOL
/end rant
On with the show.
I'm popping around Defamer and come across this post: Defamer First Look: The 'Kid Nation' Preview. What first strikes you is this picture:
Your first thought is, "What the hell is going on? Why are those kids wailing on this other kid and why am I not part of the action?" It's disturbing in a good way. You want to know why Yellow Bandana Boy (YBB) deserved it (because he obviously deserved it). The blog post portrays CBS's "Kid Nation" as a throw-40-kids-in-the-wild-without-supervision-and-tape-what-happens-when-kids-stop-being-polite-and-start-living-like-their-parents-lord-of-the-flies tasteful program, but it's actually something quite boring. CBS put kids in a ghost town in New Mexico and to see if they can form a workable society. As the host puts it, "Can they [the children] succeed where adults have failed?" Sure, when the incentive is a $20,000 gold star (Seriously. A gold effing star.) handed out at every town meeting. $20,000. Um, you want me to go running around the city naked with a ring-toss butt plug crammed up my bum? Because I'll do it.
Oh, and the picture: those kids that look like they're rushing to YBB to kick his ass are really just rushing YBB to hug him, because he wants to go home because his brother is in a wheelchair or dying or something silly. Can I get a 'vomit'?
ZOMG!!! THIS IS MY FIRST POST IN THIS BLOG I'M SO EXCITED I'M GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THE WORLD AND MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE BRINGS IT'LL BE EXCITING AND AWESOME AND SUPER COOL ALL BECAUSE I'M WRITING THIS LOLOLOLOLOL
/end rant
On with the show.
I'm popping around Defamer and come across this post: Defamer First Look: The 'Kid Nation' Preview. What first strikes you is this picture:
Your first thought is, "What the hell is going on? Why are those kids wailing on this other kid and why am I not part of the action?" It's disturbing in a good way. You want to know why Yellow Bandana Boy (YBB) deserved it (because he obviously deserved it). The blog post portrays CBS's "Kid Nation" as a throw-40-kids-in-the-wild-without-supervision-and-tape-what-happens-when-kids-stop-being-polite-and-start-living-like-their-parents-lord-of-the-flies tasteful program, but it's actually something quite boring. CBS put kids in a ghost town in New Mexico and to see if they can form a workable society. As the host puts it, "Can they [the children] succeed where adults have failed?" Sure, when the incentive is a $20,000 gold star (Seriously. A gold effing star.) handed out at every town meeting. $20,000. Um, you want me to go running around the city naked with a ring-toss butt plug crammed up my bum? Because I'll do it.
Oh, and the picture: those kids that look like they're rushing to YBB to kick his ass are really just rushing YBB to hug him, because he wants to go home because his brother is in a wheelchair or dying or something silly. Can I get a 'vomit'?
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